A guy goes into his doctor’s office and tells the doctor; “I want to live to be a 100.”

The doctor asks; “Do you drink?”

Guy: “No.”

Doctor: “Do you smoke?”

Guy: “No.”

Doctor: “Do you have a lot of sex?”

Guy: “No.”

Doctor: “Are you going to sail back from Mexico?”

Guy: “No.”

Doctor: “Why do you want to live to be a 100?”

Who wants to be that guy? Sitting in a wheelchair at 99 staring into the corner and daydreaming about nothing. ‘Cause you’ve never lived!  And that’s the reason I am sailing back from Mexico aboard the ….. (I don’t even know the name of the boat yet!) in a week with Ted and Kelly.  I have been told, by them of course, that they are very experienced sailors. That’s really good because I don’t know how to sail. I don’t really care for sailing per se. I’d rather come back on a luxury yacht sipping martinis while counting down the minutes to the next caviar tasting.

I grew up in a family that had a sail boat. It was the bicker boat as far as I am concerned. I only remember stressful outings with my parents yelling at each other; “Tack! No, don’t tack. Goddammit, I said tack. Hoist up the big round sail thingy that you use when the wind is coming from a strange direction. What did he say? Huh? Get me a warm beer.”

Achh. Maybe that’s why I have been avoiding it for 35 years. My blood pressure has just recently mellowed out. But with Ted and Kelly I’m sure it will all be sunshine and gumdrops. They have done this together before. They have a routine. Me? I’ll do whatever tasks are required. I’ll stand a 4-hour watch every 8 hours.I’ll let out a sail or two. I’ll even mix up a batch of blended margaritas when the mood strikes me.  I’m sure they won’t mind if I only do my watches in the day time and not during meals. Also, Fridays and Saturdays are out too. If it rains, count me down below reading my Kindle. Of course I’m being sarcastic about all of this. I know Kindles won’t work at sea. But, seriously, that watch schedule is a deal breaker.

This is my introduction to what hopefully becomes a travel journal (blog) for our trip starting May 12 and ending approximately the first week of June. We are driving from Northern California to La Paz, Mexico where we will meet Ted’s boat, a 30-something-foot (I don’t even know how long it is.) Let’s say 32 feet. I figure we each get 10 feet and use the extra two feet as a recreational common area. I’m not sure which 10 feet I’ll choose yet. I just know whatever Ted picks, that’s the one I want.

There has been talk about driving straight through; 1190 miles. There has been talk about driving almost straight through but stopping to see some Indian petroglyphs in the desert, saying hi to an old friend in LA, stopping in Punta Wherever because someone said it was cool, flea-bagging it in Ensenada. All I know is that the La Paz weather forecast calls for 95 degrees and 80% humidity. And, this isn’t even the hot season. I hope the Indians put in air-conditioning at their little art exhibit.

I am bringing the following items on the trip: camera equipment, iphone, ipad, 12 button-down Sherwin Williams embroidered dress shirts, handful of underwear, three pairs of shorts, sandals, boat shoes, floppy hat, sunglasses, toothbrush and paste, comb, wallet, two pair of jeans, foul weather jacket, bottle of Old Grandad Whiskey.

 Why the button-down shirts? It’s what I have left from my job at Sherwin Williams. I will never wear them again so I figure when they get dirty I can donate them to those Chiclet’s kids and put on a fresh one. It’s all about giving back. Twelve ought to last me for the trip. If not, I can always buy one of those tourist t-shirts that say something like I love Cabo!, or, Bakersfield High Senior Grad Trip ’14, or Hussongs Giggling Frog Cantina.

What can you expect from this travel blog? Lot’s of professionally taken photos and hundreds of adobe clay pots-full of sarcasm and prose.


Day Two –  


2 responses »

  1. Dolores and Robby says:

    I’m looking forward to your travel blog. Some of it will bring back memories; some of it won’t. Dolores R.

  2. Kathleen says:

    Wow what a hoot! It happened to be mid day at work when i read your travel blog and no fewer than four coworkers poped in to find out about all the giggling from my office. Seriously funny, you have a natural ability with humor in dialogue. It was so fun and relaxing to read compared to the serious day to day distance reading. Your blog has the potential to become a whole social experience. People are already talking about it and looking forward to reading it. No pressure, but when you do publish your experiences I’m looking forward to sharing the laughter and experiences with new friends at the yacht club. BTW, those long sleeve embroidered cotton dress shirts would look good over a swimsuit, and huraches (sleeves or no sleeves). Hope you remembered to bring sunblock. Bon Voyage! Kathleen

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