Day 4 -9 At Sea– Hey Battleship Potemkin, You Ain’t Got Nothing on Us.

Usually a listicle is the lazy journalist’s way of writing to lazy readers. Instead of prose and description the writer simply lists what they think are newsworthy items. This is popular on the web today as anyone who clicks on Facebook reposts of usually mindless articles can attest. Miracle food cures cancer. Beyonce slips nip at MTV Awards, Market Crash Certain by Christmas, etc… My purpose in the following listicle is far more practical. Being in WiFi hell along the Baja Peninsula getting enough signal to post these blogs is getting increasingly more difficult.

Whether licking his catch or dry-humping it, local fisherman, Adolpho, brought us many amusing moments.

Whether licking his catch or dry-humping it, local fisherman, Adolpho, brought us many amusing moments.

Just yesterday in San Juanico, the tony village of 42 people, my four-chapter masterpiece was erased during upload. First world problem, I know. But, for you the reader, I feel sorry. It was a combination of Moby Dick, the Iliad, and East of Eden all rolled into one. For those not familiar with those classics, you’ll be right at home with the following listicle amd in need of a a semester of English Lit at your local community college.

  1. First day at Seat, refridgeration broken. All meat had to be thrown overboard.
  2. Alarms going off at all hours. it usually means Ted’s girlfriend is calling. For some reason Ted’s cell plan is better than NASA’s communication system.
  3. Bilge pump not working. Boat is lower in the water now.
  4. Water gushing into front cabin soaking all bedding.
  5. Day Two, water is dripping onto my sleeping bag. Smells like its passing over a petrified rat full of cheese that’s been stuck in the hull since 1979.
  6. Stepped on two Chihuahuas. Really pissed them off and I think I maimed one in the process.
  7. Caught a mackerel. Left it on deck for two days. Smelled like a two-day old mackerel.
  8. 45-mph wind gusts with 25-foot waves every 3 seconds.
  9. Launched out of bed in the middle of REM sleep. Bruised ribs.
  10. Day Three, bathing has become a distant fond memory like Christmas morning as a kid.
  11. Forced Ted to shower in San Juanico and was chastised as being too sensitive.
  12. Whales, dolphins, shark, pelicans. Yadda yadda yadda.
  13. Batteries low.the only thing that seems to be charging is Ted’s cell phone.
  14. Day Four, solar panel nearly slips off of boat. Secured it with Zip ties.
  15. Putting toothpaste on brush during rough seas is like squirting glue on the wall.
  16. Caught 30-pound yellow tail tuna. Fish juice all over. Ate it raw because propane stove went kaput
  17. Captain ran out of e-cigarette juice. Now smoking real cigarettes in cabin.
  18. Met two fishermen who gave us oysters and fish. The fish had to be chucked. See #16.

To sum up the trip, I would punch the first sailboat salesman who offered to sell me a sailboat. Sail boating seems to me to be a series of fleeting glimpses of awe with continuous moments of panic and terror.

But, sail boaters would say, “But the stars.” Hey, sail boaters, go outside anywhere you are on the planet (even off the planet) and look up…stars.

Sail boaters might even say, “But, the sunsets.” Again, go outside and look up. You’re welcome. I just saved you 100K and a high blood pressure problem.

“But, the wind is free.” True, the wind is free. But when the wind is coming from the wrong direction, you’re burning diesel like the Exxon Valdez. And, how much was that little stainless steel fitting you had to have?

“But, how about having a hot cup of coffee in the middle of the night while gazing at the sea?” In my experience, it was like the scene in Young Frankenstein when the blind man spilled scalding hot soup in the monster’s lap.

All in all it was an experience I am grateful to have had.Key word, had. I’m glad it’s over and can now say I traveled over 991 nautical miles without serious incident. Thanks Captain Ted. You’re detail to planning, preparedness, and careful attention to all things seaworthy, we are alive to be glib and snarky.

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